We had an earthquake and our government was nowhere to be found for a few days while we, the people, were helping each other out. We had a blockade and we were left to go searching for cooking gas and fuel in the black market while the government was, as usual, busy doing nothing. And now, with the coronavirus pandemic, our government is once again ill-prepared to tackle the spread of the virus and it seems like, as always, it does not have any plans to help us if we face the same crisis that other countries around the world have been fighting for a while now.

Our incompetent government is going to have an easy year as our netas, civil servants and contractors can blame the coronavirus for the country not moving forward. Every year, our contractors get busy during the monsoon. This year will be the same but if our contractors fail to finish their work on time, they can blame China and the coronavirus. They can just tell us that their equipment is stuck in China and just share the contract money with our civil servants as usual.

We were expecting two million tourists to visit Nepal this year but it looks like we might not reach the target due to the outbreak of coronavirus in China and various other countries. Even before the Visit Nepal Year 2020 campaign was officially launched, tourism entrepreneurs had serious doubts about attracting two million tourists due to inadequate tourism infrastructure in our country.

First of all, let us take a sip of our doodh chiyas and give a round of applause to Gokul dai for resigning from office. Our former (mis)information mantri can now start writing a weekly column for one of our newspapers since he will have a lot of free time. Gokul dai is not the first mantri to ask for commission from big shady deals. He would have given some of it to his mother party, some to his spouse, some to his near and dear ones and they would all have had some fun with the free illegal money.

During the Panchey days, it was a badge of honor for our netas of today to be in prison for being courageous enough to fight against the system. They did suffer a lot and were always in danger of being killed by the state. Today, the story is different. We, the people, cannot speak against the same honest netas of yesterday who are now corrupt savages. Instead, when our courts send our netas to prison, our cadres go crazy as if we were sending an honest and respectable person to prison. And when our netas are released, our cadres go crazy once again as if one of our own had gone to mars and have come back home as a hero.

Nepal Police has a new IGP but the top cop will be in office for barely five months and then he goes home with all the perks that come with being the former head of the police force. This is what happens when our chor netas don’t want to amend the 30-year service rule for our police wallahs. If someone becomes the top cop then at least let him or her head the office for three years instead of having IGPs for a year, half a year or 18 months or two years.

Oli ba tells us that his government is working hard to create a civilized society and he wants all of us to be responsible citizens and not wild savages who rant on social media against corruption and misuse of power by our thulo mancheys. But the question is who really are the savages, us, the people who seem to find it difficult to even buy onions and garlic or those buffoons in power who spend billions of our taxpayers’ money on their own near and dear ones?

First of all, let us congratulate India for celebrating its 71st Republic Day with all the usual tadak-bhadak that comes with hosting a parade. I think our government should also do the same and not confine the usual Republic Day program inside Tundikhel. Our netas and Nepal Army should celebrate all parades out on the streets. Let us all stand by the sidewalks and clap, wave our flags and enjoy the parades outside Tundikhel. Why not host the celebration along the Ring Road route?

First of all, let us all stand up from our seats and give a standing ovation to our Emperor for being able to perform magic tricks to show us that he still has the mojo to rule over us for some time. We all know that he is waiting for his turn to spend some time in Baluwatar but until that happens, he will continue to gang up against our dear old Oli Ba who seems to be cornered in the recent days.

It seems that the quota system is not going to go away any day soon as long as our old fogies rule our land from their couches. Our political parties claim to be democratic but its own netas are autocratic losers who favor byaparis and mundrey dons over loyal, hardworking cadres when it comes to distributing tickets to fight elections.