Kalu Maila

The contributor for Republica.

Wellness matters

Published On: June 30, 2017 10:04 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

My wife is a big fan of yoga. For her, Ram Dev Baba can never be wrong. I tell her that yoga is a good thing but I would prefer walking. I seek help from Google Baba to show my wife the benefits of walking. Albert Einstein used to go for walks daily. She tells me I am no Einstein. Let me tell you this, my wife has the right retort for everything.

The big question

Published On: June 9, 2017 09:17 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

I have been married for three and half years now and whenever my wife and I attend weddings, bartabandas and other social ceremonies, our relatives hover around us and begin their interrogation session regarding when we plan to have a child and make them all proud. Before I got married, the same relatives would follow me around during family gatherings and ask me when I would get married. Now that I am married, they still keep on harassing me and now my wife as well with their ‘baby’ remarks and queries.

Our story

Published On: May 12, 2017 09:05 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

We expected Loot-2 to be the biggest Nepali movie ever but I guess Haku Kaley and his friends were not as funny as the Chakka Panja folks. Well, it’s definitely hard to make a sequel and although Nischal Basnet did try and made tons of money at the Nepali box office, the movie failed to meet the expectations of his fans. Let’s hope Loot-3 will be the baddest and Haku Kaley can finally rule this country with his schemes.

Tourists in Nepal

Published On: April 28, 2017 09:11 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

I was at a café the other day hanging out with my high school friends. It had been almost a decade since we had gotten together to talk about our good old school days. The café was filled with tourists. I showed up early and, for the next hour, none of my high school friends showed up. Yes, most of us do function according to Nepali time and showing up an hour or two late for any scheduled program seems to be the norm in our society.

Birthday Blues

Published On: April 7, 2017 10:20 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

When you are a kid, birthdays are special because you look forward to receiving gifts from your parents, siblings, and relatives. You invite your friends to celebrate the big day with you. And you don’t want any girls from your class to join in the fun because you only want your male buddies to celebrate the big day with you. And they all gather around you, waiting for the big moment when you finally cut the cake and give a piece to all your friends.

It’s a battlefield out there

Published On: March 24, 2017 10:46 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

You don’t need to go to the Middle East to experience their dust storm. Just visit our Ring Road area, especially Balkhu or Gwarko, and take a selfie and post it on Facebook telling the rest of the world that you are enjoying one of those dust storms. Nobody needs to know you are not somewhere in the Middle East.

The essence of a woman

Published On: March 10, 2017 01:05 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

It’s ironic that we have to wait for a day every year to celebrate the achievement of women. When we look at our mothers, wives and sisters, we are amazed by their multi-tasking skills. My mother is a great cook and so is yours. You can go to the best Thakali restaurant in the city but their food can never beat the dal bhat and tarkari your mother makes.

A day for love

Published On: February 10, 2017 02:45 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

When I was a teenager, Valentine’s Day was all about buying a single red rose, a big card from Archies and a packet of Dairy Milk chocolate and asking one of smartest six-year-old in the neighborhood to give your gift to your crush. After receiving the gift, the lady of your dreams would throw away the rose, tear up the card but would take the chocolate. Then she would look around to figure out who the stalker was and, after finding no one, would loudly curse as she went home.

Saturday blues

Published On: January 27, 2017 04:29 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

I tell my wife that we should skip our Saturday plans and stay home and watch YouTube videos about what to do in Malaysia and Singapore because I want to take my wife there this Dashain.

Resolutions revisited

Published On: January 6, 2017 12:15 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

Every year, come December 31, I sit to write down my New Year resolutions for the coming year. The first resolution on the list is always the goal to quit smoking. I know it’s a bad habit and injurious to one’s health but I fail to give up completely even when I do manage to quit for a month or two every year.

Dream home

Published On: December 23, 2016 03:50 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

I tell her that you need to be either Donald Trump or a mob boss to build such homes. She then tells me that not all people who are successful in life and have the money need to be a shady businessman or a criminal.

It’s a sham

Published On: December 9, 2016 01:22 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

The other day, my wife kicked me out of the bed after reading something on Facebook. As I lay on the floor, my wife looked very sad. I asked her what had happened. Was it another aftershock or a new earthquake somewhere that upset her, I inquired.

It’s time for a movie

Published On: November 25, 2016 02:12 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

As in any movie theater around the world, we too seem to have the usual crowd who makes your life miserable when watching a movie.

The wife is always right

Published On: November 11, 2016 09:23 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

During the 2014 World Cup, I told my wife that Messi and his team would win the tournament. I really wanted Messi to win so that the world could finally call him the greatest football player ever.

Curfew nights

Published On: October 28, 2016 01:24 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

If you are having a house party that continues till midnight and somebody complains to the police, don’t be surprised to see a police van in ten minutes and the police personnel banging on your gate.

When Dashain Comes!

Published On: October 7, 2016 02:09 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

And when one gets married, everything changes. Now, you have to visit your sasurali during Dashain and you cannot come up with any excuses whatsoever. You have to act like a gentleman and finish everything your in-laws offer.

Exam blues!

Published On: September 23, 2016 02:00 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

Yes, you can call me an optimist. My wife worries more about how she might fail rather than just doing her best no matter what. I’m the kind of person who buys the door prize tickets at a party and expects to win free air tickets to Dubai for two.

Different tastes

Published On: September 9, 2016 02:00 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

KATHMANDU, Sept 9: I tell her that she must first travel to all the 75 districts in the country and try out the samosas there and only then award the New Road shop The Best Samosa Award.

The high school reunion

Published On: August 26, 2016 02:55 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

Most of our batch mates in the West had already acquired citizenship there and were no longer Nepali citizens. So, every time someone came from the US sporting a blue passport, word would get around town that the ‘Khaire’ from Texas or New York was in town and he wanted to hang out with his fellow comrades.

Olympic Dreams

Published On: August 12, 2016 02:00 AM NPT By: Kalu Maila

We really do not expect much from our athletes in such international events because we know that we lack the resources, infrastructure and everything else needed to compete in the international level. So to expect our athletes to win an Olympic Gold is like expecting KP Oli to send a Nepali to Mars on a rickshaw.