People and their thoughts change according to their age. One would later applaud something which he/she once used to condemn vehemently. But the one thing that I found constant is people’s devotion toward god. In fact, it tends to augment as the age increases. I don’t know what piety has; it circumscribes a person with a strong centripetal force. 

Being raised in an orthodox Hindu family, I have always found it difficult to chastise anyone for their stigma. I never got a chance or tried to contemplate on the existence of God. Confronting people over religious matters would make me a freak. I too used to strongly depend on god for anything good to happen. I still remember the moments when I used to pray repeatedly whenever I was about to lose a game or when I erred or when the exam results were nearing. I don’t remember thanking god ever for any good thing that happened. But I always used to blame god whenever things don’t work in my favor. 

I think things have changed now. I am an adult with a college degree. I am free to ruminate over anything and express my ruminations. Whenever there is a debate with my friends over godly existence, I end up being an atheist. I try to explain them by saying I am a kind of guy who believes in ‘ Karma’. I tell them that everything that happens to you is an outcome of your own actions. No one but you are responsible for your present, praying will not help you at all. Whenever we visit a religious site, they challenge me to do something ‘blasphemous’. I ask god for forgiveness and accept the challenge. My friends see me wining, but do I actually win?

Nyaupane is a student of Masters, and currently working at Ministry of Foreign Affairs.