I dream to be a writer because I know how to write, but every time I look at the mirror, I think I am not and cannot be a writer. My behavior, attitude, and appearance do not match with what I think writers should have. They have different perception, characteristics, nobility, attitude, and appearance. Most importantly, they have, I think, innate skills to write phrases and verses that are always remembered in the history. Being jealous to them, I also want to be a writer.
“I am a writer,” I once said to my mother. I was expecting my mother to be surprised. Expectation became reality, she was surprised. How could she not be? Reading and writing are something that would assure my bright future. I then took out my poem and read it loud, explaining each and every word, for her. When the poem was about to finish, my mother started questioning me, “Were you not talking about writing your school homework? Were you busy writing those shits? Were you not doing your assignments? Are you out of your mind? Will that bake bread? Write what you need to.” Then I understood what she thinks writer is.
Being a writer is not easy. It takes courage, passion, and enthusiasm which, I believe, in some way were present inside me. I know I cannot become a writer by doing homework or assignment. How can I convince her that writer writes thoughts, ideas, and logic, not homework? They write from the core of heart. They are thoughtful. Not to move an inch from my side, I thought to be a writer like those who wrote something that is still alive after centuries. On the other hand, I thought how would I be a writer if I cannot convince my mother what makes a writer?
To restart, I read a lot of writings—literature, philosophy, psychology, and science—to become a writer. I encountered many priceless ideas, and wondered how they came to the writer’s mind. Pacifying my greedy heart, I thought those thought would have come to my mind if I was born earlier than they. I would have written those words: ideas and logics, if I was born before them.
Truth cannot be hidden, writers wrote those renowned words not at their first writings. They were not writers until readers noticed them. In more acute sense, they were not writers until they wrote, but the difference is they were able to convince others to write so they are successful writers. Still, writer do not always mean successful writer. My mom is in some way true: write what you need to. Writer is someone who writes, no matter what is that, but haven’t I done the same?