‘Tell Yourself You Deserve Better’

September 20, 2017 11:31 AM

Dear Malvika,
I am a 25-year-old guy currently doing my Bachelor’s degree. All my friends have already completed their studies or are away for abroad studies and it
sometime gets me anxious because I feel like I haven’t achieved as much as my friends. I tried my hands in engineering, but felt it wasn’t something I wanted. So I dropped the course. Finally, I decided to pursue Bachelor’s in Hotel Management and have reached third year of the course. But, now I feel hotel management does not have much scope in Nepal and I fear if I made the wrong choice. I have come this far and went for the course even when it was against my parents’ will. Now, I feel pressurized regarding my studies and career. Did you come across similar phase in life and if you did, how did you overcome such situation? Kindly suggest me on what should I do to let go of my confusion?

-    I have been through this situation before. While in college I wanted to study arts and media but not having any suitable courses I had to take up management. I got in media after graduation. While working in media I felt at times that this profession was not for me. But I held on to it and started learning how to handle stress. I took up jobs that were more suitable to me. I also took a few years sabbatical from media but later realized that this is where I flourish the most. So my advice here is you should finish your course first. Take it easy, do not put so much pressure on yourself even before starting your job. See for one year in Nepal. I believe most hotel management courses offer internships abroad. So utilize that experience and find out as much as you can. Not all professions will be satisfactory. It’s all about learning, experiencing and realizing what you enjoy the most. And sometimes that takes time, so do not follow the crowd. Don’t let the fact that your friends have completed graduation mess with your brain. What happens after is what matters the most. If you get swayed by what others are doing, then it will affect you unnecessarily. So keep your focus intact. Give yourself a few years and then see how it goes.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 27-year-old girl currently living in Australia. I came here two years ago for my studies. It was all exciting and energizing in the start, but
lately I have suicidal thoughts. I am in a relationship with a Nepali guy here since a year. We only meet when he wants to. If I ask for us to meet, he always makes excuses. First few months into the relationship were beautiful. He used to care for me and we were thinking of getting married. I had shared about our relationship with my family as well. But these days he doesn't seem interested in me. I have caught him flirting with other women, But I still want to mend things and be with him. He’s my first boyfriend and I’ve never had such attachment, both physically and emotionally, with anyone else. I don’t think I can keep on being with him and get hurt every day but I also don’t want to lose him. I feel like I am in a verge of depression. Please suggest me. 

You are letting one man decide your life and death and how you live it. Don’t. it’s not worth it. If a partner does not respect you enough to understand your feelings and keeps repeating the same mistake again and again, then it’s time to say good bye and move on. Why are you letting someone else dictate your life? Take control of it. The more vulnerable you get, the more away he will go. You need to be strong, face your issues and tell him to get a life and not ruin yours. So be confident, tell yourself you deserve better, which you do and move on. Be with friends who understand and support you and concentrate on your work and career. If he does love you he will try to mend the relationship and make it better. If not well he will let go too. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 31-year-old guy currently based in Kathmandu. I had gone abroad after my high schooling, but I came back to Nepal after residing there for around five years. I wanted to do something on my own and start up a business. So I decide to stay in Kathmandu and opened a job center here. I try to arrange jobs for people who want to go abroad. The work is going good and the progress is visible. I miss my friends and family most evenings. Although I have been able to earn a good fortune here, I could not find anyone who could take genuine care of me or pay attention to me. I have been helpful to people and I also expected to find a loving and loyal partner who would take care of me but nothing has come my way. I feel alone and unworthy at times. I get numerous calls daily but all for
professional cause. Sometimes I wish some of those calls were for my personal care. I am scared I might get depressed if this goes on. Please give me your good suggestion.

We all want love, affection and company. No matter how much we earn or where we are career wise, love is what binds us. Since your career is going well I would suggest that you now open up to meeting people. Dating is tricky in Kathmandu but not as hard as you think. If there is someone that you are close to or someone that you fancy why not ask them out. Say that you would just like to catch up for coffee first, then move onto drinks, dinner and movies. Someone has to make the initiation here and that someone is you. If they feel uncomfortable then they will say no, which is fine, but there will always be someone who says yes. So until and unless you make the effort of meeting and dating someone it’s not going to happen by magic. So be courageous, and start talking to people. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 23-year-old girl currently doing
nursing course. I have a loving partner who has been with me in all my highs and lows for almost three years now. We had kept our relationship a secret to our parents, but recently my parents walked upon us and saw us together. My father was really furious and insulted him as soon as he saw us. He warned my boyfriend against meeting me and told him that I am already betrothed to the son of my father’s friend. I feel embarrassed and I don’t want to lose the love of my life. Kindly suggest me on how should I handle my situation and convince my parents.  

Give some time to your parents. I don’t know what kind of a situation they walked into but reading how your father reacted does not seem like a good one. Fathers are very protective of daughters as mothers are of sons. So seeing their daughter being intimate with another man whom they do not even know is not something that they want to see. I am sorry that the first meeting had to be such but it will take some time for him to even have good feelings about your boyfriend. So take time, have meetings done, keep it positive. Ask your other family members to talk to your father as well and have them convince him too. But do make sure that this is what you want and it’s not because of a whim that you feel. Because you are still young and haven’t even started your career. 

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