Heart to Heart with Malvika

August 9, 2017 10:26 AM Republica

Dear Malvika, 
I am a 26-year-old and a defense employee of the central government of India. I have everything, not much, but sufficient to survive my family. Sadly, I’ve been observing myself as
unsatisfied and incomplete person over the period of my struggle-filled life. My mind is not stable to set any future goals. I work really hard and expect nothing without hard work, but just because of this unstable mind, I could never give serious attention to anything. It was painful when I recently got rejected in an interview for a higher level rank. I still have the courage to do something better and work hard, but it will have no positive meaning and effective impacts due to the unstable state of my mind. I am looking forward to your workable solutions so as to overcome from such situations.

We all go through instability through certain phases in life. There is always a reason for being unhappy and not satisfied even though you might have an okay life. And there could be various reasons. Pressure to earn, work, survive, do well to get married, childhood issues or relationship issues, not having friends, not enjoying life, could be some of the reasons. When we are not personally satisfied, we cannot give our hundred percent at work. Maybe you doubt yourself, maybe you are insecure or maybe you work hard but are not observant of the things around you. There are two types of hard working people. One who works hard and can work like crazy without thinking, and one who works hard by being smart about it. Maybe you are a hard worker but you may not have the capacity to lead. Since you haven’t explained a lot here I suggest you analyze yourself with the things that I have mentioned here. There are many leadership analysis tests available on internet which might not be hundred percent accurate but can say a lot. You can also take up leadership and management classes otherwise if that’s what is lacking in you.  Maybe your social skills are not up to par. So from now be very observant of the people around you and what is happening in your work. Ask for suggestions on improvement from your colleagues and subordinates. You always need to catch up on what is happening and look at self improvements too. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 24-year-old individual, who has never been in a relationship. I have always been the independent type of person and enjoy my own company. But my friends have been in relationships and I feel like I am missing something in my life. Is it normal? I am scared that I will end up being lonely and have regrets in my old age. Most of my friends are attractive, so I feel like I am inferior to them and maybe it’s because of the way I look that I am still single. I have always been conscious about my looks. I really want things to change, but do not know where to start from. Please give me some suggestions.


I really don’t know what is normal these days. What society depicts is what we think is normal but not everyone falls under the same norms and I know that is fine. Most of the times, I do not fall under the norms of what society expects me to be. It was difficult at first to accept myself but over the years, I have met people like me and realized that I am not alone and I came to terms with it. I was an ugly duckling in school and felt very insecure about the way I looked and used to feel shy talking to people. Over the years, I gradually changed.  I don’t think one should have to be good looking to be in relationships and you cannot get along with everyone too. I would suggest you first change the way you dress up, start experimenting with what makes you look smart. Also if you do not like your body then hit the gym and take help from your instructor. Always have a positive mind set. Start meeting new people, talk to them about their interests, their likes and dislikes and give them attention. People love who are caring, understanding, well-mannered, well-groomed and well-spoken. So focus on these things and I know it won’t be that difficult to date. Once you love yourself then only can you love others. 

Dear Malvika,
I have been in contact with a Nepali guy who lives abroad. We have been chatting
in Facebook for a year now. Recently, we’ve switched to chatting late in the night. He calls me at midnight, and our conversations begin. I feel I am already emotionally attached to him. He says he also feels the same. However, our matter of conversation is often meaningless and he always prefers talking about physical attachments. I, on the other hand, want to talk on some productive matters. Most importantly, our conversations always begin at midnight. He never replies my calls or texts during morning or the day time. I am unable to understand his behavior. Shall I stop talking to him or what should I do? Please suggest me.

What you are saying sounds a bit weird to me. I don’t understand why he always calls you at night? Have you asked him about it? If his work is such then that must be it. But there is no reason why he cannot reply to your messages other times. If his work is strict and no personal time is allowed then that is understandable. But even after a year there has been no specific talk about a relationship then it’s time for you to decide. If he always talks about physical things then its time you had “the talk”. Because there is no point wasting your time on something that is not concrete given the time frame. And if you do not like his answer then it’s time to say good bye. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 23-year-old girl and I am finishing my undergrad in a few months. I have been in a long-distance relationship for more than four years now, and we both love each other a lot. But, we belong to different castes. I am a family person and my family is very conservative. My parents will never accept our inter-caste relationship or let us be with each other. I have never really thought of settling out of Nepal and now my boyfriend says that is the only option we have if we are to get married and be together. He has only completed his
SLC, and wants me to try to settle abroad. I don’t know what to do. I do want to be with him, but I do not want to live far away from my family since my parents are getting old and I would rather take care of them. My family doesn’t know about my boyfriend. I can’t convince them due to his studies and caste. I am so confused and frustrated. Could you please give me some suggestions?

When it comes to passionate love we do not care about caste, love, religion, age or education. We just focus on the person and this case is the same. Since you are just 23, I would suggest you call him and see how your relationship progresses being abroad. Sometimes most relationships do not work when settled in a new place or a new country. So do not jump into the marriage bandwagon straight away. See how it goes for sometimes and then decide. But with just SLC as his education what kind of a job is he looking into and how will he apply for the visa. If you guys earn on the same level it should be fine but most relationships and marriages fall apart specially when the girl earns more and the guy doesn’t. So be practical about it and as for your parents it might be difficult at first but they will want to see you do well and be happy. The fear and insecurity at the moment is making it hard for you. Forget the caste issues maybe his education is what stops you from making this decision. Maybe you are afraid of the future together,and then this is something that you need to look into first. If you are confident about him then you shall have no issue sharing it to your parents and family.

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