Let´s not even try thinking about it.[break]
Ryan Rimal just turned 19. Like most of his friends he has had quite a few flings, some lasting over a week and some that were over with the day. And about girlfriends he says, “I have had only four.” Now what is a girlfriend and how is she different from any of your other friends? Ryan explains that girlfriends are a bit more than friends and that they are the ones for whom you willingly ´blow all your pocket money”.
Prakriti Rimal, 15, disagreed to what Ryan said. Although she has not had ´a real boyfriend´ yet, crushes and flings come and go.
“I am going to date at least twenty guys before I think of getting into a serious relationship,” she says. Prakriti wants to be able to know all kinds of guys and then choose ´the best one´. Then what is a boyfriend for her? She replies, “The one who you want to get really close to, because you see in him the possibilities of being your lover.”
The discussion was quite loud at this time and although the meaning of a boyfriend or a girlfriend differed among the newer generation, they did agree on the need to have “as many relationships as possible”. They believe in exploration to find the best.
Aditya Adhikari, 20, unlike Ryan, was rather silent up to now but he spoke at last. He said he has never been in a relationship. He told us that he thinks girls prefer someone who has more of a ´cute boy looks´ and that he does not possess.
“It´s all because of these movies, especially the Korean ones. Girls are of the concept that a partner is compulsory and that, too, a cute one,” says Aditya.
He learnt this from girls themselves, but not having a girlfriend does not mean that he has not gone out on dates! It is because he went out on so many dates that he did not want to take any of the relations further.
Dating someone according to them, is only a way of getting to know someone better, which by now we understand. But is there a limit to whom you can date and who you can´t?
“No” was the instant answer and this time everyone agreed. “Dating is something really casual and you can go out with anyone you like,” said Ushmita, 21. She says boyfriends, dates, crushes are part of life and they come and go. “It´s a part of growing up and exploring life, that is what I believe and my parents are OK with it.”
OK now we reached parents, so are parents cool with the idea of dating? Well it seems they are, since all others agreed to Ushmita and said that most parents these days are quite open about such things. This does not, however, apply to all the parents.
“One of my girlfriends landed in trouble when I called her at around midnight-her dad picked up the phone!” Rayan recalls. His then girlfriend, the next day told him about how her father gave her a severe coaxing that night.
Hearing Ryan´s story Prakriti instantly said, “Parents are still partial. Although they don´t object directly if they find out about my likings for a guy, they are definitely a lot cooler when they get to know about my brother´s girlfriend.”
Ushmita, however, thought otherwise. She was of the opinion that parents´ behaving this way is more of their love and concern than partiality.
Aditya this time supported Prakriti. He said he too feels that parents are a bit more concerned about their daughters and the kind of guys they get close to.
“I think it´s somewhere or the other related to, unmarried pregnancy,” he said adding, “The thought that their daughter should commit the so-called ´crime´, which is definitely not accepted in our society, is always on the back of parents´ mind and that is what leaves them insecure.”
“Maybe that´s true, my dad stays up until I return home,” says Prakriti. For her it´s annoying most of the time but sometimes it´s understandable. She wishes parents would have a bit more faith in daughters.
Ushmita seemed rather annoyed this time around. “We are open to change but that does not mean we have no values,” she said adding, “Although pre-marital sex is a ´no´ for me, it has nothing to with the society or religion.” She explained that she believes it to be a sign of true love and commitment. “It is something special-to be shared with that someone special, and that is why I am against it.”
The discussion was turning rather serious now. Ryan said even he was against it, his reason was rather different.
“Well there should be limit set for everything. Making out is OK but you don´t want your partner to get pregnant,” he said. “The next thing you know is that you are getting married at 19, and also how many wives can one afford to have,” he laughs.
Aditya, then said that it is not a crime if you know what you are doing. According to him, one should be able to take responsibility for one´s deeds whether it´s marital sex or anything else for that matter.
“I personally don´t believe in waiting for the ceremony of marriage that allows having sex, but I am definitely not advocating multiple sexual partners,” he said.
The discussion had now reached marriage and on this topic the opinions were more similar than different. Ryan does not want to get married. “I might change my decision but for now marriage for me is more like giving up your freedom.”
Prakriti says she does want to get married but after she is ´independent, rich and around 30 years of age´. Aditya and Ushmita said that they had not given it a thought yet.
“There are so many things I am busy with. I don´t have the time to think of marriage,” she said. Ryan added, “Marriage is a full stop to everything.”
And the full stop was also put on our discussion. Based on our little ´chit-chat´ this is what we have learnt. Having a boyfriend is no big deal. Love still holds a high reputation, dating is a lesson learning technique, or rather ´exploration´ and marriage is...well, we´d rather not talk about it.
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