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Published On: May 2, 2018 01:07 PM NPT By: Republica

Sharing defines the relationship

Sharing defines the relationship

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old boy studying in the bachelor’s level. I am not much of a talkative person and don’t like sharing my issues with anyone. I rather would share my feeling in a diary but I find it difficult to share it with anyone else. This habit of mine was not much of a problem until I fell in love with a girl a year ago. We started dating but she gradually started getting annoyed with this behavior of mine. I feel that I have started to share things with her than before. But somehow I feel that she can’t understand that we all have privacy in our lives. Is it that I have to share everything related to me? Does being in a relationship mean you can’t have privacy? I don’t understand. Please help me.

Well, for most of us, being in a relationship does mean we do not have any privacy at all. The whole essence of relationship means that two partners know everything about each other, and that there is no dishonesty. But I will tell you this that it depends on each individual. Your nature must be that you don’t feel the need to share each and everything that happens or has happened to you. But your partner feels that you need to do so, to be very close. Sharing also defines the relationship. So this might be a problem for you with not just her but with others too. Unless you find someone who respects the fact of you being a private person and will take you for who you are. But that takes maturity and a deeper level of understanding and I am not sure whether that will come in your age or not. If you still want to be with her then assure her that you are trying your best to be as open as you can. But if it turns up to be a problem everyday then you have something to think about.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 28-year-old girl working at one of the NGOs based in Kathmandu. I fully enjoy my work but the problem is that most of the staffs at work are extremely cunning. They don’t perform their responsibility properly but step ahead to take the credit of any accomplished tasks. This behavior annoys me and I have also talked directly to them. But the problem is that some of them are my seniors and I am unable to take an effective action against them. This attitude of them has created many problems for the other employees who sincerely do their duties on time. What do you suggest to me in such situation?

I can understand what you mean. I have been in such situations before. Now the thing is such aspect is prevalent in all working culture. It is not just a Nepali thing but is a worldwide phenomenon. Bosses or your seniors have the full rights to take credit for the work that they have been assigned to finish but is being implemented by somebody else in the team. The work of seniors also entails leadership where they order people to do their work and supervise that it is done well. But that does not mean that they just sit there and do nothing. This is where we lack conviction. The leader also has to do some part of the job load so that it then becomes a team work. What you can do is file a complaint in the HR, if you have such a department. It could be a group thing so that the organization realizes that it’s not just a one man problem but a group as a whole. You can request them to have workshops on leadership and work ethics which can open up eyes for many. I hope this works out for you.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 22-year-old girl studying in bachelor’s third year. I am quite a social person and like to communicate to all my friends in the classroom. I have a close friend who shares all her secrets with me. However, it has been two months since another female friend has joined our group filling a gap between me and my close friend. My close friend has started sharing some of her secrets to this another friend, which I don’t like. I have started feeling insecure but since I can’t force my close friend to cling to me, I have started avoiding her. Is it a right step that I have taken? What do you think I should do?

I see problems in both of you. Now if you were actually her best friend, she would never share secrets with a new person. Maybe she just likes being connected to people by sharing her secrets and that can be a habit with some people. It takes quite some time usually for people to open up to others and share their secrets. Now I can see this is creating jealousy in you as you want her to be just your close friend and nobody else. The thing is you cannot dictate who stays your friend and who doesn’t.  Friendship doesn’t work like this. And avoiding altogether also means that you are not a good friend too. The way you are not in touch also means that you are not being a good friend. All I see here is her doing what she wants to do without harming you at all. She is just being herself. But you are taking this too seriously and damaging your friendship by not talking to her. Don’t you think that you should give her time and let her understand people if you are a good friend? I would suggest you to be open with her and tell her how you feel. Maybe she has some things to say to you too. And don’t you want to be honest with her too. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 31-year-old guy. I have been in a living relationship with my girlfriend for a year now. My parents have been telling me to get married soon but my girlfriend is not yet ready to settle down. She says she does not seek a married life for her and says not to hold expectations of getting married. I want to have her as my life partner and I try to convince her to get married but she does not seem to agree. Do I wait for her to get convinced? What should I do?

Recommendations and wanting on your own are two different things. I can see that you are being convinced in this situation because of your parents. And your partner is being honest with you and telling you what she wants to do. Now tell me besides the legal aspect of it what is the difference in marriage and living together? Not much I guess. So if you love her why don’t you just be with her and respect what she wants.  Because if it was you in her place, then she would be in the same situation, right! And you would have wanted her to be with you despite marriage. Or she would have opted to leave you and marry someone else and maybe regret it. This is not a new situation that I have heard at all. It just takes a lot of conviction for people to get married and it is a personal choice. So I cannot tell you exactly what to do. In the end it’s your relationship and this decision has to come from you. Not from your parents or me. 


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