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Published On: December 13, 2017 08:16 AM NPT By: Republica

Patience is a virtue in every relationship

Patience is a virtue in every relationship

Dear Malvika,
I recently came to know that my husband has been cheating on me with his ex on the phone. We have been married for four years now. When I learnt that he is cheating on me with his ex despite our seven years’ relationship, I felt betrayed. When I told this to his family they said since we are married it’s better for us to solve this issue together. He says he will never do this again and is willing to start a new life if I don’t bring up his past. How can I trust him now? Every time I see him, it reminds me of his cheating and betrayal. I love him very much, but I can quit our relationship if it is required. Please help me with your suggestion.

It is definitely not easy to get pass this. Like you wrote, every time you see him or are with him, you will be reminded of what he has done to you. The only way this marriage will work is if he commits to make it work. He has to give his all and make you realize that this will not happen again. On the other hand, if you are willing to give this a second chance, you will also have to slowly let go of the situation. I have noticed that in terms of men cheating, families always tell the women to work it out, but if it was a woman who cheated, then it’s a no-no. We still go through this gender biasness in our society. If in your heart, even after a while you cannot seem to forgive him, then there is no way this relationship will work. So I suggest you take some time, go to therapy, try and find out what is the problem in your relationship. And if you still do not want to be with him, then it’s not the end of the world. You gave it your all and you can have another fresh start in life. But don’t stick to him just because of family pressure as you are the one who will deal with him every day, not them. And the stress might lead you to depression, which is not acceptable at all.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 19-year-old girl. I have been following you since a long time and like the way you give suggestions. Today I am writing you because I am in need of your suggestion. I met a boy online and he was the brother of my college’s senior. We met online and started chatting. With time, we came closer and shared our darkest secrets. He sang songs for me and made a sketch of mine for my birthday despite the fact that we hadn't met till then. We were already so familiar with each other that the first meeting didn’t feel like the first one. He gradually started maintaining distance and talking less until one day he told me that he is leaving for abroad. We decided to meet for the last time where he told me that he was ignoring me because he wanted to separate our ways. He didn’t confess to me about his feelings and neither did I. We don’t date anymore. I want to know and listen to his justifications. Shall I initiate or not? What should I do?

After reading to your story, I feel that you deserve the answers. It is not right that someone chooses to come to your life, initiates the relationship, makes you feel special and all of a sudden decides to leave you in the lurch. That, I believe, is very selfish. Maybe he was trying to be mature about it and not ready to have a long distance relationship. Since you both have your own justifications, he should have been clear with you in the first place. He cannot decide for both of you. So yes, if you feel the need for answers then its fine to get in touch with him and ask for clarifications. If his answer is still the same and that he has moved on, then it is time for you to move on too. Why hold on to somebody who doesn’t want to be with you, right?

Dear Malvika,
I am a 30-year-old guy currently in a relationship with a girl of my age. Since we belong to different castes and communities, our relationship has not been accepted by our families. We both are independent persons and I am willing to get married even without my family’s consent. However, my girlfriend is not willing to do so. We have tried out many things to convince our families so that they approve our relationship and give their consent for our marriage, but nothing seems to work out. I cannot convince either of them. What do you think I should do?

Knowing the fact that it would be problematic for both of you to wed despite that you come from different castes and communities, both of you chose to be romantically involved. Now that the time has come to face the adversity and be bold about it, your girlfriend chooses not to go against her family. That is her choice per se, but if you can’t seem to make her change her mind and if you still want to be with her, then you have to be patient about it. Give her and the families some time. You haven’t mentioned here how long have you been together and how long it has been that you mentioned this to the family. Sometimes it takes six months or sometimes a few years or more, but you need to keep your patience intact. In the end if your girlfriend still doesn’t want to get married without the family’s consent, then you both will have to make the hardest decision of your lives. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old girl living in the US for the past one year. I have been doing job and studying at the same time. But I am finding it difficult to continue my studies as it is quite costly. I can’t ask for any financial support from home because I have already taken a lot from them. I sometimes think of taking a transfer to another college, but I like it here and I am finding ways to stay here. I am in a confused situation. Could you give me some suggestions?

I am sure you knew about the fees before you went to the States to study. But maybe you did not calculate properly about the yearly structure and living cost. There is only two ways to this, either apply for scholarship or transfer. These are the solutions that you already know and hopefully have been looking forward to them. In life nothing is easy and you can’t have it all too. Sometimes you have to make decisions that you hate but you will have no choice. And that is what growing up is all about. You are already working and studying at the same time. So if you can’t afford the student loan, or your work pay is not enough, then you have to get a transfer. Or you can try asking for some help from your family. That is the only way to go. 

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