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Published On: March 21, 2018 12:09 PM NPT By: Republica

Overcome the inner demon in you

Overcome the inner demon in you

Dear Malvika,
I am a 23-year-old girl living in the US. I have always struggled in my relationships. For a long time I thought relationships are problematic for everyone. My father had passed away when I was very young and now I have started thinking if that is the reason behind my relationship issues. My eldest sister had a divorce; my other sister who is turning 30 very soon is still single. I am currently dating a guy and I am happy and I know he loves me very much. Last week we had an argument and we were both drunk. I rarely talk about my father with him but somehow that day the topic came up. I think I said I am incapable of relationships probably because I never saw a romantic relationship between my parents and also my sister has been divorced. He was also drunk and hurt by some of my harsh comments. I have started to feel like because I grew up without my father, I have a void inside me that I am trying to fill through my relationships. Deep inside I always feel something will happen and I am left alone. We love each other but I feel insecure about us. Am I really making a big deal out of this? Is it just general relationship issues?

After reading you story, it took me back to my dating days when I used to feel the same way. My father passed away when I was young too and I have seen my share of failed relationships. So it’s okay for you to feel the way you do. I will tell you this though, if you do not have any issues with your guy and if you are compatible then you are making a big deal out of nothing. If he is good to you and it makes sense when you are together then don’t ruin it. Of course, you need to overcome your insecurities and your inner demon for you to be able to have a fulfilled relationship. Just because your sister got divorced does not mean all relationships fail. And just because your other sister is still single does not mean that’s the end of the world. That is their choice and that does not define who you are. You need to make your own mark and guide your own life. You cannot compare theirs to yours. Every individual is different. It is good though that you shared what you did with your boyfriend. Needless to say, you are still young to think about happy ever after at 23. You have a long way to go. So instead of focusing on issues that aren’t there, try and focus on being happy and making the most out of what you have. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 19-year-old guy from Dang. I completed my high school in Dang and came to Kathmandu just six months ago in order to study for Bachelor’s degree. And now I am living with my uncle and aunt in Kathmandu. When I first came to my uncle’s place I was very shy. I know that I would need to live there for at least three years. And it’s been two months, my aunt is irritated by my presence at their place. I even overheard their conversation where my aunt was strictly warning uncle to take responsibility. What do I do? I even know there are a lot of students and children like me who stay in their relatives house, away from their parents, in order to complete their study. Shall I take a leave from here urgently? What suggestions would you give in such a situation?

I am really proud that you have taken the initiative to further your studies even though you are away from home. Now as for your relative problem at the moment, the thing is let your aunt feel that way. Not everyone likes having people in their house for a long time. As long as your uncle doesn’t tell you anything, ignore it. Also you haven’t written if you help around in the house and make sure you are clean and stay out of trouble. You cannot expect them to do everything for you. So if you make sure that you help out in the house regularly and do work for them they will be happy too. That is the main reason of chaos in any houses. If it becomes a major problem, then talk to your family about it. Other arrangements can be done like living in a hostel which would be much easier. Of course, that would mean putting in more money. But there is always a solution. Many students also work part time and study too. So you could also think about that option too. Good luck!

Dear Malvika,
I am a 22-year-old girl currently pursuing my Bachelor’s degree. In college it’s usual to have friends but for me the case is slightly different. I can’t be close with other persons easily. I take a lot of time to be friends and I believe making one good friend is more than enough therefore I always get close with only few people. But the problem mainly occurs when I start to be close with someone and the third person comes into our lives and I find it annoying. No matter how many times I try to quit this habit I cannot help myself and always end up hurting no one but myself. What should I do?

College life is about making more friends. You cannot say that I will only make one friend and that friend will only be mine. That means that you have serious relationship issues. You need to let go. Be friendly with everyone and focus on your studies because if this continues you will be left with no friends at all. So don’t get attached to anyone specific and just be normal with everyone. You need to learn to be open about it. Stop having major expectations from people. Because I feel that is what you do. The concept is to be nice to people, be friendly with them, keep everyone in hand, finish you studies and see where that takes you. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 17-year-old guy. I loved a girl since the day I saw her for the first time. It might sound dramatic but it really happened when I saw her for the first time in the last Holi party at my friend’s house. I even told her about my feelings but she told me straight away that I am five years younger to her. Although she says so, her actions imply that she kind of likes me. I sometimes feel that she likes me while sometimes she makes me feel the opposite. I asked her but she never accepts or rejects my proposal. I am confused, what do you think I should do?

At 17, love feels like the end of the world. And your type of love means that when you are attracted to someone you think that is love but darling that is not. That is just mere attraction and your mind tricks you into thinking you are in love. And the other thing with love is, just because you have certain feelings for someone does not mean that they will have same for you. And at 22 no one wants to date a teenager. Maybe let’s say if you are 25 and the girl is 30 that would be fine. But you are at that stage where you are discovering yourself. And you are just a boy. And girls that age like men, not boys. I think that she is attracted to you too if she does not deny or agree. So don’t go into the concept of being in the relationship so fast. Just talk to her, and take her out on a date. I think that is what you should be doing. And get to know each other better. Who knows what is in store in the future. 

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