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Published On: December 20, 2017 08:50 AM NPT By: Republica

Mutual trust ensures Relationship Longevity

Mutual trust ensures Relationship Longevity

Dear Malvika,
I am a 22-year-old girl confused about life. I am in a long distance relationship since three years with a guy who is nine years older to me. He belongs to the Sikh community and we had met through a social welfare in Nepal. I have been seeing changes in his behavior recently. He abuses and threatens me for no reason. When with his family, he doesn’t care about me at all. I’ve tried to be contactless and move on, but he often messages me and never feels sorry for whatever wrong he does. Since last year, he has wanted me to go abroad for my further education and I am trying my best, but it’s taking a long time due to my weak academics. Now he blames me for us being apart and says that he doesn’t see a future with me. There are days when he makes me wait till 1 am to talk, but hardly shows up for five minutes. Recently, his parents have been asking him to get married. While I believe that love has no religion, his parents want him to marry within their caste despite knowing about our relationship. Sometimes he says that he truly loves me and can’t imagine his life without me, and the next day he behaves completely the opposite. I am confused; please give me your suggestion.

This is a no go relationship for you. First of all you seem to be in an abusive and controlling relationship. And this is not healthy at all. He does not respect you, dominates you and blames you for everything. One day he is fine, the next he is not. The man seems to be mentally deranged. If you stay with this person, you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. He needs to get into counseling for sure as he seems to have anger issues. And such people will start with verbal abuse but could lead to physical abuse later. They also have the tendency to act as if nothing has happened and will always run after vulnerable people as such groups are the only ones who will tolerate them. Either he goes into counseling and gets help, or I would say you end this relationship. As he will keep abusing you more after marriage and that is for sure. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 25-year-old guy in a relationship with a girl for four years. I can’t trust her anymore after I found that she has been exchanging messages with my friend since a year. When I confronted her, she was upset and asked me to forgive her. I said it was alright, but deep down it broke my trust. She flew abroad after the incident and the gap between us has increased ever since. I am finding it difficult to bring a happy ending to this relationship. I don’t know whom to ask for suggestions. May be you can help me on this matter.

I know that it is not easy trusting someone after they’ve broken your trust once. But I also believe in second chances. And when you give someone a second chance that means taking time and observing how they behave afterwards. If she is fine and is respecting the boundaries of the relationship, then it’s okay to be in the relationship. Give her time and space to prove herself. But if in time you feel that it is not worth it and that you can’t seem to trust her at all, then I feel the only way to go is not to be together. For the longevity of any relationship, trust is super-duper important. And the distance is not helping you guys at all. So if you want to make this work, be in constant communication with her. Otherwise it’s time to say goodbye.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 29-year-old girl currently working in an organization for a year now. I am thinking about quitting my job soon because my boss has been misbehaving with me at the workplace. For the first few months, I was not sure of his misbehavior but I was certain about it when it became repetitive. I have warned him against such behavior, but it is not working. Though I enjoy my work, I have no option but to get out of there. Am I taking the right step or should I fight for it? Please give me your suggestion.

No, you are not taking the right decision by quitting. He should be the one doing so. In today’s age when we are fighting for equality and our respect in society, you should not let him get away with this. If there is a management or board, then you should file a complaint. If you have any proofs, please use that as well. You can even record your conversations with him. Imagine if you had a daughter and she went through the same thing, would you stay quiet about it? I am sure not. So why should you? We are the change makers of today and if we do not put such things to justice, things will never change in our society. And such people will keep misbehaving with women if we do not fight against it. If not with you then with someone else, such men will continue to abuse women if you don’t raise your voice. And how long will you run away from it? Do you think quitting will help you erase this memory? It definitely won’t. So, I would say you fight for your right to be at peace. Good luck!

Dear Malvika,
I am a 31-year-old mother of two. I used to work before I had kids, but I discontinued my job in order to play my role as a responsible mother. Now, since my children go to school, I am thinking of resuming my job. My husband says I don’t need to work, but I want to utilize my spare time after my children leave for school. You are a proud mother, so I wanted to hear from you. Help me with your suggestion.

Working sometimes is not just for the sake of earning money. But I believe it is for one’s wellbeing and happiness. Working gives me satisfaction and happiness, and has also made me strong as well as the person that I am today. My son admires and loves me if I am at home or if I am working. I belong to a family of working women and I think no less of it. I make sure to spend quality time with my child and bond with him. That is the power of motherhood. We have a natural bonding with our children which no absence can take away from us. If working gives you self respect and independence, please go ahead and give your dreams wings. You can have time for your children and also have enough time for yourself. 

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