Published On: January 16, 2019 01:13 PM NPT

Look ahead to focus forward

Look ahead to focus forward

Dear Sadichha,

I am a 28-year-old guy currently staying in the US. I moved here with my fiancé a year ago. We had been in a relationship for the past eight years before we moved to the US. She suddenly leaves home one day and calls me saying that she is in love with someone else. I was shocked and did not know how I should react. It left me badly hurt and I moved out to another state in order to forget the past memories. It has been nine months since the incident but I still feel depressed when I think about all those times. How should I completely get rid of it?

I think that you should have talked about it to her before completely leaving everything behind. If you haven’t had final talk after all these, it is going to be difficult for you to move on. However, it has been nine months now, so I suggest you focus on other things. I know it is difficult to forget someone you have had a relationship with, shared so many memories with but if it’s not meant to be, you have to realize that it is actually not meant to be and move on. A few things that might help is talking to close friends and family or maybe trying out new things that you haven’t tried before. You need to realize that it is waste of time and effort to run after the bygones especially when there is nothing you can do to change the situation. If you keep looking back then you will never be able to focus forward. It is okay to get rid of these bad feelings step-by-step, it doesn’t have to be overnight. Remember to give yourself all the time that you need.

Dear Sadichha,

I am 20-year-old guy. I recently joined my graduation where I have come across a bunch of bully classmates. They make fun of me and humiliate me passing comments. I have talked with collage administration on this issue but they take it as a normal college and class room thing. I am planning to quit study. But again I think I would regret that decision. What do I do?

You will definitely regret quitting your studies. I know it is easier said than done but face them, face your bullies. Speak up against them and against their actions. I am appalled by the reaction of your college administration. They should take serious action against bullying as it should not be tolerated at all. You should talk to your parents in this matter and ask them to talk to the administration. They need to understand the severity of it. You can find various ways to tackle it, if you can and want to, you can avoid them altogether. However, if they keep coming at you then I suggest you take a stand as well. Do not quit your studies, no matter how difficult it is doing to be, do not give up. Bullies are just bitter people, and don’t give them that satisfaction by giving up.

Dear Sadichha,

I am a 26-year-old girl. I recently got married to my husband and I am adjusting in my in-laws house. Back in home, I use to live freely and I know I cannot expect the environment to be similar here. Because the family is quite traditional they forbid me to enter the kitchen while I am on my period. I can compromise on other things which I have done but I cannot be a part of this. I have also talked to my husband about this and he is supportive. But my in-laws have problem with it. I am thinking of leaving home and staying apart but my husband advises me to find a solution better for everyone. How should I deal with it?

So, a very simple solution to this is not letting your in-laws know when you have your periods. I know it sounds a bit weird but to be honest its only you who will know when you have your periods. So, even when you have your periods, you enter the kitchen and do what you do normally do without informing everyone that you are on your periods. You staying apart will only mean that you are accepting defeat against traditional norms and thoughts. So, I suggest play it smart! The next time when you have your periods, go to the kitchen and make your in-laws their morning cup of tea. They will never be able to know that you are on your periods. Don’t give up, it will take time but take baby steps when it comes to dealing with norms that have existed in the society for years. Don’t get frustrated.

Dear Sadichha,

I am a 29-year-old unmarried woman working in a travelling agency for the past five years now. A couple of months ago, I met a foreign woman of my age who kind of felt the way I usually do. This is not the first time that I have felt this way. But the situation now is that she knows that I like her and she also likes me too. My family has been telling me to get married but my thoughts are driving me towards her. She says me to be together with her but I am so confused on what to do. Please help.

Have you felt like this before? Why don’t you go out on a date with the girl and see how you feel? Maybe get to know each other better. Explore what you are feeling. Talk to close friends about how you are feelings and what you are going through. I am sure you are very confused about things at the moment but don’t stress out. Also, don’t fall under pressure and decide to marry someone you don’t even know, all because your family is asking you to. So, I suggest you go out with her, get to know her more, talk to her and see how you end up finding her company.

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