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Published On: June 27, 2018 07:33 AM NPT By: Republica

Heart to heart with Sadichha: Analyze situations before you decide

Heart to heart with Sadichha: Analyze situations before you decide

Dear Sadichha,
I am a 25-year-old girl. As everyone says, I am a blessed person surrounded by people who immensely love me, including my parents. I love my parents, but I can’t accept this bitter fact that they don’t want to stay together any longer, and have been seeking a divorce. As a mature girl, I understand the situation, but as a daughter, I am left with a broken heart. I can’t express them how much it hurts to see all this. I want to grow over this, but this bitter situation is a phase in my life that I can never forget. I am disturbed by all this and if you provide some suggestions, it would really help. 

I am really sorry to hear this. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for you at this moment. However, if your parents have decided to separate after 25 years (or longer) of being together, there must be a reason. I suggest you talk to your parents, individually or with both of them together and tell them how you feel about this divorce. Express your feelings and listen to their side of the story as well. You are a grown woman now but no matter how old we become, we always look up to our parents for guidance. I am sure they will not shy away from their responsibilities even after they separate. I know it is going to be very difficult once they get divorced, so I suggest having friends or relatives around. As a daughter who wishes the best for both the parents, I hope you can also find some courage to support their decision if this is what they decide to do. It is often better to step out of a relationship on time, if it is not working so that the individuals still have some level of respect for each other. 

Dear Sadichha,
I am a 21-year-old guy currently studying civil engineering. I have not been able to perform as intended in my studies, and recently I have developed interest towards culinary arts. I wish to pursue my dreams but the thought of dropping my current course is making me feel guilty. I have never been a bright student, so my parents had to pull few strings to get my admissions. I feel it would be bad to let them down, but on the other hand, I don’t think I’ll be able to do good as an engineer. What do I do? Please suggest. 

I don’t know your definition of ‘not doing well’ in your studies. For some, not getting an A is not doing well, as for others; they’re satisfied with mere passing marks. Honestly speaking, just because you are interested in culinary arts, I will not encourage you to go after it.  You are 21, at a stage where everyone is restless with a lot running in the mind. I suggest you to really think this through. Maybe after one year into culinary arts you might want to do something else. There are always ups and downs while studying. You will never get a perfect score, but you have to be passionate about what you are studying. It’s natural to feel like you would let your parents down if you quit. But bear in mind that you will let yourself down if you are stuck with something you don’t want, which is even worse. Culinary arts and hospitality is a booming industry, and if you think you will be able to do great in it, you can go for it. I would really encourage you to think this through. Talk to someone who has pursued culinary arts and listen to what they have to say. Also, talk to your seniors in engineering, asks for tips to perform better.

Dear Sadichha,
I am a 27-year-old girl currently living in Kathmandu. I recently got engaged with the guy I was in a relationship with. The problem is that he is a doctor in the United States and wants me to move in with him there. Whereas I am a teacher and I am satisfied with my job. I have always wanted to stay here in Nepal and do something for my country. The fact that my fiancé keeps pressurizing me to get on with the process has left me wondering. I feel indecisive about what to do further. Can you please provide me some suggestion?

I assume he was already working in the US when you decided to get engaged. Did you mention your views of wanting to stay and work here in Nepal to him? Long distance relationships are challenging. It takes a lot of effort, trust, and understanding to make it work. However, after you get engaged or married you can’t really stay away which is why maybe your fiancée is in a hurry to have you by his side. I cannot tell you to go to the US or stay here in Nepal, that’s the decision you have to make. However,  I advice you to analyse both the options and their feasibility is more advisable. Talk to your fiancée about your thoughts regarding working in Nepal. Does he want to settle here? If he does, will he be able to find work that pays the same or gives the same kind of work satisfaction? Have you considered being in the US at all? Maybe you could be a teacher there too? Find out the requirements and see if that is a possibility. You wanting to do something for your country is very inspiring but you also have to think about yourself and your future. And who says you can’t do things for your country from abroad, I have seen many Nepalese who do amazing work for Nepal being based outside. Maybe that could be a possibility for you too. 

Dear Sadichha,
I am a 32-year-old woman. I am married with two children and my husband was working abroad for a long time until he returned home few months back. He had always been a caring man although he wasn’t here. But now that he is back after a long time, he seems to behave differently. I have tried asking him why but he says everything is alright. He stays at home and seldom takes time to socialize. I don’t want to see him this way. I want to help him but can’t figure out how. 

How has your husband stopped caring for you after he has been back? Is he not doing certain things he used to when he was away? Was he someone who loved going out before he was on his foreign employment? Or was he always the kind who enjoyed being home? I want you to reflect on these questions first because at times people over think making situation even worse. Like you mentioned, he is back after a long time and maybe he just wants to enjoy being home with you and the kids. However, if you have noticed drastic changes I suggest finding ways to reconnect with him. Being away from each other must have been hard for both of you, so try to reconnect and help him open up about his problems, if he has any. It must be challenging for him to adjust here after being away for so long. Hence, give him some time to adjust being here, take him out on a small getaway and reconnect with each other. 

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