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Published On: December 6, 2017 08:48 AM NPT By: Republica

Healthy relationship needs strong foundation

Dear Malvika,
I am a 27-year-old girl in a relationship with a guy since six years. Everything is okay between us. But the main problem is my boyfriend is now leaving for abroad. I feel a sense of insecurity starting to bother me. He says everything will remain as it has been between us, but I have also seen many relationships break because of distance. He says he will visit home time and again, but I want him near me. I want to ease my discomfort and insecurity. Please give me your suggestions.

It’s definitely not easy to maintain a long distance relationship. You have seen many not working. But at the same time there are many which have worked out fine in the end and the two people have been together later. If the foundation of your relationship is strong then with time it shall be fine. It will take a big effort and patience from both your ends to make this happen. And this will only be true with the right communication. In the world of social media, it is not impossible in stay in touch. Make sure that you both make the effort to do so. Also while he is gone, you can make thing happen for yourself too. You can focus on work and your dreams. And by the time you decide to be together physicallythen both your dreams will have come to formation. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 23-year-old girl studying in my bachelor’s third year in Nepal. I am in love with one of my seniors, but I don’t have the courage to confess him about my feelings. At some of our casual meetings in the college, he smiles at me. He is one of the studious students so I ask him some course related questions on Facebook in order to talk to him. But he strictly limits the conversation to answering the question not knowing that I just want to start a casual relationship with him. My friends have been telling me to tell him my feelings, but I fear if he stops talking to me. Please give me your suggestion on what to do.

Gone are the days when only men confessed their feelings to women. If we believe in equal rights then we should confess to and also be able to rejection if that happens. If you really like this guy then invite him for coffee casually. Make effort to ensure that he knows you care about him. Even after a couple of meetings he still doesn’t get it then be vocal about it and say what you feel. If he takes it positively well and good, if not well you can always stay friends. You would have done the same thing with a guy then why not do it yourself as a girl. So go for it. He must be a shy guy who has no thought in his head about girls or flirting or romance. In that case it is up to you to bring that out in him. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 29-year-old IT student and moved to the US recently. I have been in a relationship with a guy for five years now. He is a software engineer in Nepal and belongs to a higher caste. We both are educated, but his family is conservative and orthodox. They don’t know that I belong to a different caste and that we are in relationship. When I ask him to tell his family about us, he said he would let them know once we become independent. I have been planning a court marriage so that he could come live with me and work here. Could you please suggest us on this matter?

Considering that his family is orthodox then they will definitely have issues on you both being of different casts. And I don’t understand this higher or lower caste differences I know it’s deep rooted with many people.  You both are clear of what you want to do with this relationship. And there are differences to what the each wants. So in my opinion you should take your time and not rush right away. Give him some time to process the idea of court marriage and see how it goes. At some point both of you will have to come to a decision whatever that is. But it has to be consensual so that it won’t affect the relationship later on.

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old guy who recently graduated from one of the reputed educational institutions in Nepal. I am fond of painting, but my parents want me to study medicine. I don’t like mathematics and I am not good at it. I have decided to take special courses in painting abroad. However, my parents are not willing to pay for my painting courses. I can’t find a way to move ahead. What do you think I should do?

First up, while applying to universities look for scholarships which will enable you to be able to study what you want. If you know that you cannot excel in medicine then it is not for you no matter what anyone says. Do what you are good at. And an artist does earn well enough. If in the end you cannot get a scholarship and your parents won’t support you then take some time off, work and save money, then try again for the scholarship. You will still have saved some money to be able to study. Till then they might even change their minds about your education. Everyone is in a rush for things to happen quickly nowadays. Sometimes it does, mostly it doesn’t. Until then have patience and try and convince them as much as you can. If you believe in this stick to it, they might change their mind looking at your dedication. 

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