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Published On: September 6, 2017 11:20 AM NPT By: Republica

Every relationship needs mending and bending

Every relationship needs mending and bending

Heart to heart with Malvika

Dear Malvika, 
I broke up with a guy I was so much in love with four years ago.We parted our ways and never talked to each other. I was broken, hurt and wanting him back and didn’t feel like staying in Nepal anymore since everything was reminding me of him so, I went abroad.

Now after four years of being single, I have met a guy. He used to like me from a long time ago. But the problem is that he does menial job and is not educationally qualified. He doesn’t even have a high school diploma. I am a legal assistant at a law firm in New York and I am only a few semesters away from being a lawyer here.

Although he loves me so much, I always think of breaking up because of the job he does and his qualification. He also does not have a business mind. I don’t like it when he introduces me to his friends and family. I would let him go, but I know that he loves me. When I try breaking up with him, he apologizes and cries his eyes out. He always talks about getting married soon as he is his 30s. But I am just in my early 20s. I’m confused and lost. I know what I am doing to him is wrong and I take the blame. Please tell me what I should do. 
You already have the answers to your question love. If this is how you feel then it’s time to be honest with yourself and with him too. It is not fair to the other person that you do not have respect for his work and him. If you feel embarrassed when he introduces you to his friends, then it is hurtful to him too. Imagine how you would feel if your partner felt the same way.

I am sure you wouldn’t like it. I know that the situation you are in is very tough. It must be difficult for you to leave him as well knowing that he loves you very much. But life is not easy, such decisions are not easy. So be an adult, talk to him and voice out your opinion honestly to him. You also have to love and respect him for this relationship to work. I know you must feel that if you actually do break up then you might regret it later on.

But if the foundation is weak then no matter how much you try such relationships do not last longer. Good luck!

Dear Malvika,
I am a 28-year-old girl staying in Australia. I am with a guy since the past four years and we are staying together since a year. After staying together, I came to know that he gets irritated really fast and is stubborn. He argues unreasonably and is egoistic.

I am tired of his angry behavior. Although he loves me and cares for me, everyday he makes me feel like I deliberately commit mistakes. It’s not that I am any less stubborn or hot headed, but I stop when I need to. He keeps on arguing on baseless discussions. I wondered and wanted to ask you if every couple has similar problems. Should I leave him or give it a second thought? Please suggest.
People have all kinds of relationships. Some blossom through friendship where they know each other well and then fall in love. Some start with attraction and then the dating happens and so forth the relationship. In the second context, people get to know each other after they are attracted and start dating and such relationships have clashes. What you have mentioned here is something that most couples do go through.

Especially when they start living together,it is when people’s true nature comes into play. I wouldn’t say that you need to get out of the relation but rather suggest you to come with different strategies to overcome this. Next time try and understand what ticks him off the most. There is always something which people cannot tolerate.

Every relationship needs mending and bending. And if this is your concern then why don’t you have a talk with him and be honest about how you feel towards his opinions. You need to tell him that there are certain behaviors of which makes you uncomfortable and you feel hurt of what he says to you. If he loves you as you say then he also needs to change certain things about him. Without certain behavior changes no relationship will work. It’s not about changing oneself completely but in some aspect so that one can have a harmonious relationship as long as it doesn’t compromise ones mental health. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old girl. I was forced to move to Chitwan two years ago due to my relationship issues. I have been in a relationship since four years now.

The main problem is my family doesn’t think I can be happy with him. My parents are narrow-minded and they torture me to get married to a rich guy. My father and my brother beat me and verbally abuse me. My mother doesn’t understand me. They had locked me inside the house. Once my boyfriend came to my house with his uncle and they talked to my father about our marriage.

But my father mistreated them. He has declared that he is ready to spend a huge amount to marry me off to a rich guy, but not invest in my further education. I talked to my friends about this and they suggested me to go to the police. I feel I am alone and want to commit suicide. Please give a suggestion so that I can keep both my family and boyfriend happy.
Your friends are absolutely right. It is your human right to have a normal and healthy life. If you are being beaten and abused then it has to be reported. You cannot be held against your will and locked up in a house.

You are not a commodity and an object where you will be traded for money. That is exactly what trafficking is and the way your parents have been behaving is completely wrong. You can also take suggestions from women’s groups who also have organizations in Chitwan. They will be able to offer you shelter and protection. Just because you are a girl who has to be married away does not mean you have to accept your fate like that. We are in 2017.

You need to be very strong about it and willing to go against the wishes of your family. I wouldn’t suggest you to get married to your guy because you guys seem very young and are not even financially independent. So instead of being dependent on him about your freedom and life, I would want you to take matters in your own hand. Try and convince them that you want to work if not study. If they do not agree then it’s time to take a stand and move out from there. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 20-year-old who came to United States two years ago. To be honest, I don’t know why I came here.

Attending high school and going abroad was a trend in our country. I don’t know whether my heart is making an excuse or that I really don’t want to be here. I lost my job and I am unable to focus on my studies. I have a keen interest in arts, dance, media, social sciences and psychology. I don’t know what I want to become or do in life but I believe in myself. I can achieve something great.

Please give me some suggestion on what I should do. How do I stay focused and positive? How do I know what I really want to do with my life?
Most 20 year olds have no idea what they want to do, study or become. I used to be the same. You haven’t mentioned what you are studying at the moment but from what you have mentioned mass communication is the best one for you, where you can explore various mediums of mass communication. Things will be much clearer once you finish university.

Do not get stressed on what you shall become later. I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. If you are not in scholarship then you definitely have to work, there is no doubt. If not one then you can always look for another job. Nothing is easy in life and you need to keep working hard to achieve what it is that you want to do. If you just give up easily then you shall not achieve anything at all. Make friends, go to college, work, enjoy the smallest things in life and stay focused on making it big. If you are happy and content then you will be able to focus on your career.

But if you are just sad and not working towards your goal then you cannot achieve anything. So get out of that sad mindset and get to work. Come on! you are just 20, you have a long way to go. 20’s are for experiencing various things and 30’s are for stepping up in career, if you just waste your 20’s then it will be difficult after wards. Stop being lazy and get to it then. 

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