Nirjala Adhikari

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Published On: August 20, 2018 10:37 AM NPT By: Nirjala Adhikari

Denying a conjugal detainment

Denying a conjugal detainment

Writing personal experiences is an easy task, but it is difficult to be honest while expressing such situations, especially in public platforms. It needs guts. 

I live by the motto “honesty is the best policy.”  Most of my close relatives and friends are quite familiar with my uncanny nature. They know that I don’t socialize well.  I have never felt comfortable in public functions. So, most of the time, I feel uncomfortable talking about social institution because I consider myself very unsocial. However, today, I am going to talk about a social practice -- marriage. 

I don’t know how sociologists and anthropologists define marriage. Maybe they take it as a social institution. But my take on it is purely personal. When you turn 25, people suddenly start showing interest in your marriage. It is more common among women. I am writing this because of my experience. The funniest thing is to see their reactions. They react like your life is worthless because you are single. Sometimes, I am quite surprised to see their reactions.

Recently my grandmother told me, “You should find the love of your life. Everyone else gets married after finding their love.” 

I replied, “I won’t marry.” 

I was in a very light mood and reacted like this. However, for her, marriage is everything because she has never seen life possible without a life-partner. I cannot see my life just for marriage. From childhood, my perception about marriage has always been different. I have never seen myself as a ‘marriage material’. The main reason behind this is that I wasn’t like that girl who was supposed to be easily likable. I wasn’t a pretty one or a star among relatives and friends. I was out of the box in every category. Maybe that is the reason, I never thought that one day a prince would come and sweep me off my feet. 

 From childhood, I have been reading this institution from a very different perspective -- sometimes, as an outsider, sometimes as a very critical and cynical thinker. Now, everyone says that I have entered the marriageable age. But I don’t know what the right age is. However, as always, I become quite cynical when I think about it. 

Everyone says it’s a beginning of new life. I have seen many wonderful ladies around me who have left everything – a wonderful career, and their dreams -- just to save this practice. But it is wonderful if it is all about partnership rather than ownership.

Again I am going to wrap up with my own point of view. As a woman, I have a wonderful father, brother, and friends in my life. I feel fortunate enough because I am nothing without them.  Believe me, I am not anti-male.   However, I don’t know why I find this institution odd, problematic and regressive. Maybe it is all about my misconception.


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