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Published On: April 24, 2019 12:02 PM NPT By: Republica

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship

Dear Sadichha,

I started working last month in the video production sector. The work is great and I get to learn a lot but the problem is they make fun of me. As I have long hair, they call me with female names. They call me ‘bahini’ or ‘didi’. Sometimes, I really want to punch them and knock them out.  I really want to beat the bullies and quit but I am always in dilemma. I love working there but dealing with bullies is also painstaking. I am so confused. Please help me.

I don’t know how exactly I should tell you to handle this. Here are a few things you could do and see what works for you. Learn to not react when you are said those names bullies will get bored sooner or later. However, if they are your close friends or your colleagues then do speak up and tell them to shut it with the name calling. If you are vocal about it and mention that you are not comfortable, two things might happen- if they are considerate they will stop. However, if they are inconsiderate then they would still continue to call you those. So, my suggestion is to not let it affect you too much. People will always have something to say- at your face or behind your back. There is very little we can do about that. Hence, learn to not focus on the negative comments, I know that it is easier said than done, however, you need to take that first step. Focus your energy on the good things going on in your life. Focus on how to better your work. You will then slowly learn to block the negativity and the negative people out of your life.

 

Dear Sadichha,

I am 26 and I have already gone through five failed relationships. It’s just that love is not real. Few months are great but in the end, one leaves either due to misunderstanding or they end up cheating. On the other side, my parents also force me to marry all the time. I am just not in a state of trusting people but they don’t understand. Would you mind guiding me on what to do?

All relationships are not the same. When in relationships it is also very easy to blame the other person. I suggest you take a look at yourself and how you behave or the person you become when you are in a relationship. I feel like communication is very important in a relationship. Without proper, honest communication, all relationships are bound to fail. I don’t understand still how parents’ relatives can force anyone to get married. Please don’t get married just because you are under a lot of pressure, that is just paving way for more failed relationships. Take your time. Take some time out of relations to maybe work on yourself. Don’t look for relationships. I think when the time is right, the right things will happen. You are just 26, focus on your life goals and your dreams. It’s ok to not trust people because of what has happened with you in the past, but you also got to remember that not everyone is the same. However, also take your time in getting to know someone and starting a relationship.

 

Dear Sadichha,

I am 31. I have been married for about three years now. Ours is a love marriage. My wife is currently abroad for further studies. I am quite busy with my job. Of late, there is some communication problem between the two of us. We rarely talk, but whenever we do, it ends up in a spat. I don’t know why, but honestly, I don’t feel like spending hours over the phone-not that I have any other relationship with my mates at work. I get tired by the end of the day. But never was I this irritated talking to her. I was never a short-tempered guy. However, now I lose it in no time. I don’t know how or why I have changed so much. Please help me out. What should I do?

If you can take the time out to go meet her, wherever she is, I suggest you do that. I think both of you need to see each other and spend some quality time together. Long distance is not easy, especially after you have been married and have to spend time apart. I think that is definitely one of the worst things. Maybe you need to find the spark in your relationship again. She is abroad and doing her studies and maybe she is also facing problems that she is having difficulty communicating with you or maybe she just misses you a lot. Any kind of relationship takes effort, a lot of effort and it can feel like a lot of work but during those times you need to remember the reason you are with that person in the first place, the reason you love them so much that you chose to spend your lives together. Once you remember those, you will find that the way you act will be different. Hence, if you can take the time out, do visit her. If not spend some quality time talking to her over the phone and address all the issues. Communication is key to a healthy, loving relationship.

 

Dear Sadichha,

After my SEE, I joined Management. My friends are helpful. I learned lots of things from them including smoking. Every time I hang out with them, I always smoke. I want to quit too but whenever I am with those guys, we have few laughs and one light a cigarette. Then, quitting becomes a tomorrow job. Sometimes I think I should stop hanging out with them but also at the same time, they are my good pals. I don’t know what to do. Please tell me.  

You are the one who makes or breaks your habits. I have heard people say it’s addictive and once you start smoking, it is very challenging to quit. However, I also personally know many people who have quit smoking and stuck with it. If you want to quit, make a conscious effort, say no. When your friends start smoking or light a cigarette, excuse yourself and stay away, go to the bathroom or just exit the room until they finish smoking. It might be difficult to stop at once, so start by not buying cigarettes, then slowly cut it down until you know that you will not be tempted even if you are around someone who smokes. Make it a goal. I know of friends who have downloaded apps that help with quitting smoking. Maybe you could download an app and give that a try too. You could even share your wish of wanting to quit with your friends and maybe they can help you in your journey. Find someone who wants to quit with you and keep each other in check.

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