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Published On: February 21, 2018 11:58 AM NPT By: Republica

Be the Captain of your own ship

Be the Captain of your own ship

Dear Malvika, 
I am a 23-year-old man currently studying master’s degree. These days I feel that my best friend, a girl who I’ve known for more than eight years, is not giving me the same attention that she used to before. She does not receive my calls, nor calls back. And when I happen to ask her about it, she makes excuses. Even when she replies my texts or received the phone, it seems like she is talking with no interest or she is talking just because she has to talk for the sake of our friendship. I can easily feel that she is no longer interested in me or she wants to end our friendship. I am hurt by this sudden change of behavior toward me, I can’t concentrate on my study, I always think about it and I always miss her. How should I deal with this situation safely without feeling like a loser? Kindly suggest me on how to forget her and keep moving on.

If she is your best friend as you have mentioned here, I would suggest that a face-to-face talk is the best way to go. Yes, friendships do go through the same turmoil as any relationships. And everyone has their own issues they are dealing with. So confront her and express how you feel. If you are good friends you are allowed to do so. Maybe then she will explain what has been bugging her and you might be able to work out your issues. But until you do not do so, these things will be on your mind for a long time to come. And I am sure you do not want that. 

Dear Malvika,
I am an 18-year-old guy. I study in Grade XII and I am in love with a girl of my class since a year. When I met her for the first time, I proposed her, but she told me that she’d give me an answer after Grade XII. But after four months, she suddenly accepted my proposal. And after a month, she broke off with me without any valid reason. I tried to give her the space she wanted and agreed to part our ways. But again after some time, she came to me and said that she loved me before leaving me for the umpteenth time. She can’t acknowledge how I feel for her. I help her in every step of her life. And now when she is seeing someone, else it hurts me and I feel like giving up my life. She is ignoring me these days. Can you please suggest me what I should do?

It seems that the girl was never serious about you and never felt the same way about you in the first place. You are just a teenager and I would advise you to not take this seriously. Yes if the girl had reciprocated your feelings the same way as you had to her then things would have been different. I would say move on and ignore her. They break your heart once there is a second chance, but if they keep doing it again and again then well, shame on you for letting yourself go through such a situation. Why would you want to put yourself in that place especially when someone doesn’t feel the same way about you? Have some dignity and self respect. And let her be. Divert your mind to someone else or something else. That is the only way to go. 
Dear Malvika,
I am a 21-year-old girl currently living with my mother. My parents are seeking to get divorced. I feel disturbed due to all this. I try to ask my mother about the reason behind all this in a hope to put my opinion on this matter. She is not willing to tell me although I want to know and try my best to solve the problem. How can I help in this situation? What do you think I should do?

If you are in your 20s then your parents must be at least above 50s. And if they are seeking to divorce then there has to be some major issues which you might not be aware of. When we look at parents, we just see them okay and living their mundane married life. I would suggest that you try to talk to both of them. If they do not want to include you in their decision then let it be. They also have a life besides each other and you. And you have to respect that. Maybe they will be happier separately. You can of course put a clause that major holidays and functions you will attend together as a family. You will spend few times together as a family and that might create more harmony. I know that this might not sit well with you, but again you will have to think that they have done their best they can and they deserve their life however way they want to. 

Dear Malvika,
I am a 27-year-old girl currently working in an organization. I graduated five years ago. Since then I have been working to lead an independent life. I wanted to study master’s degree in Nepal but I honestly could not find any institution or college that provides quality education with a well-designed curriculum. My friends have suggested me to study abroad but having my family, a well-paid work and my boyfriend here makes me want to stay here. I find myself in dilemma; please give me your suggestion.

If a master’s education abroad is what you seek for then go for it because at the end of the day it is about your life. And you need to be the captain of your ship. Would you want to regret it later? I am sure not. Yes, secure things make us not want to leave the life that we have for the life that we seek. If your boyfriend loves you then he should respect your decision. Two years and you will be done then you can decide if you want to work abroad or come back. I just don’t want you to regret it later and use it against them saying that they did not let you go and hence you could not fulfill your wishes. I am sure they wound not want that either. In the end what you decide they will have to respect your wishes and decisions. 

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captain, your, own, ship,

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