I like to think I'm very good with pep talks and encouraging people. But when it comes to doing the same for myself, I suck at it. I make these grand plans to do this and that but nothing comes out of it. I'm not a procrastinator or anything. And I also know my priorities. So what should I do or how should I encourage myself to go beyond just plans and make them come true? Have you ever been in such a situation?
-Nisha
As human, we have unlimited amount of resilience, courage, compassion, optimism, and wisdom. Sometimes they take the form of words, sometimes they take the form of action, and sometimes they take the form of both words and action. You demonstrate your strengths in words. You give people what you have, and right now you have words. Don't belittle the power you have as an individual by the sense that you haven't yet started to exercise your resilience, courage, compassion, optimism and wisdom in action.
Yes, I've always been, and continue to be in this situation. Every week as I write this column, I'm mindful to write about things I genuinely believe to be true based on my knowledge and experience. Some of the advices are based on my values that I live by every single day. Some of them are things I strive to practice and live by it whenever possible. Some are things I know are true and important but I don't feel empowered or equipped to practice. Thus, the first thing to do is to truly recognize your strengths and accept yourself the way you are. Most of the times, we can't work on our plans because we make such unrealistic and unnecessary demands of perfection on ourselves. At one point, and somewhere deep inside me even today, I want to become this larger than life character—wake up at 4 AM in the morning, do yoga and meditation, cook for family, clean the house, tend my plants, get to work on time, be this awesome supportive manager and leader, answer every email, return every call come back home, read and write and brush my teeth every night, and light an incense before sleeping. But then, seriously! In reality I'm someone who doesn't brush on Sundays just to break away from the sense of being regimented all the time. I mean how crazy it is to wake up every morning and like an automated robot pick up the brush and start brushing without ever pausing to ask ourselves – after all who is this invisible ghost telling us to do the exact same thing every single day? I'm so clumsy about replying to emails and you should ask my friends about my phone habits. When I look at my husband and my sister, they appear to me as "perfect" beings as defined by our current society and context. But gradually, I've learned to love myself and accept myself. I tell myself: I'm wind...I'm wind.
Somehow we import this idea of imperfection and spend our life trying, failing, regretting, and undermining ourselves. Sometimes, what we need to change is not ourselves, but the idea that we need to change ourselves into "perfect" beings.
Swastika Shrestha is the co-founder and head of training and support at Teach for Nepal. She has several years of experience training and mentoring youth leaders. She can be reached at swastika@teachfornepal.org.